Being a Positive Motivator for Your Children
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Being the Positive Motivator
Parents! We know that parenting is a 24 hour duty. It's not a job, it's more like... a very long assignment. I don't know about you.... but I feel so honored to have my children in my life. I honestly feel so blessed. It's of course! Like anything else... a lot of work. The reason why we work so hard when it comes to parenting is because we are responsibile for them as parents and we want them to be the best that they can be. Also, we need to get them ready to be the better examples out there in the world.
Look... everyone has their way of parenting, and I definitely have mine. I grew up in an abusive household. I grew up around a bunch of crazy people. I also came from a broken home. So everything that I've learned about parenting come from the mistakes of the adults that I've observed growing up. So after having my children I already knew what kind of parent I was going to be.
I'm going to try to keep this short but sweet, as much as possible.
The number one rule to raising successful children is to be their number one motivator! I know this... because I'm currently using the same rule.
Always give them praise for their efforts and always encourage them to challenge themselves.
If your children are in sports, win-or-lose you should give them positive feedback. If they lose a game. Be the motivator.
Ex: That's okay son/daughter! It's a game. Guess what? You did really well.
If you see something wrong, for instance the lack of team work. Just say things like... your team did really well, but as a team you all need to learn how to communicate because in a team that's a very important rule of thumb. But don't worry... Just do better next time. See... positive reinforcement with a little bit of structure.
Number two rule is to lead them by example. Don't tell them they can't do something, if your doing it yourself! Absolutely not! Talk is cheap.... Action speaks.
Like drinking... If you don't want your kids to be drinkers in their teen years, then don't drink!
If you don't want them to smoke... Then don't smoke! I used to be a smoker.... I quit because I had lead by example. I used to be a drinker... but I stopped because I had to lead by example.
Always lead your kids by your own examples.
I knew sooner than later I was going to be telling my kids that they'll be going to college. So... I went back to college for my degree. I am the leader so I lead my little tribe by my own examples.
The number 3 rule is to talk to your children. Since my babies were in pre-school I would always have little talks with them. Our conversation would be a topic depending on their age at the time. Like.... how was school, is there anything they would like to discuss? And so forth.
When I pick my babies up from school, as soon as they get in the car... I ask them how their day was. There's been a few times that I forgot to ask, and they'd remind me. Like this: Um.... aren't you forgetting something Mom? "No" What am I forgetting? You know... No I don't! Yes you do... NO I don't! Mom.... aren't you gonna ask us how our day was? *laugh* See they look forward to the little things. Plus talking with them, helps to build trust.
I always talk about the good, the bad, and the ugly! Parents don't be afraid of talking with your children! Always.... make time to have a conversation with them and be interested in their lives and show them that they can come to you to talk about anything. Kids love it.
Also... you need to teach them about reality of life as well. My son is going to be in Middle School. When he was in the 5th grade we talked about the changes that his body was going through as well as sex. I was open and said... son! When you start to get older, your most likely to get a girlfriend and when things start to get serious, you both are possibly going start having sex. So.... when this happens. I need for you to let me know, so we can get the both of you protected. I know your not going to be ready to be a Father at a young age, plus you both are going to be in college so we need to make sure that we prevent you both from getting pregnant. Then when you both are ready for children you both can start taking measures to do so. He said... Yes Mom. I said son... you really need to let me know this so I can help to keep the both of you protected. He said... Okay Mother... *Laugh* It's a touchy subject, but it's good to have your kids know that your there for them. Besides Sex is a part of life, we just need to be careful. This will help to prevent teen pregnancy! Let them know that they can trust you.
The number 4 rule is to Discipline their mistakes and their wrongful actions. I know that this hard to do... but it's an important role. Discipline is a great tool.... when teaching your children and prepping them for the real world.
First resort of discipline is grounding. I take away things that they care about and I make them earn it back. They have 1 month to earn back whatever it is that I've taken away from them. Including not being able to go outside, more studying time, and chores.
Second resort of discipline is spankings to the buttocks. But you'll almost never use it. For me grounding them seems more effective. It's a punishment they dread and a punishment I love... *laugh* Although... the spankings I used to get is no longer legal. Sometimes I think it's what the world needs.
Number 5 rule spend as much time with them as you can. If you can... take them to the park, the beach, etc. Show them your kid side. I love playing with my kids. We go to the park and we act a fool! I love it. The kids also love the beach... it's a great time.
I am so busy now... with the company and all. But my kids are my world, so I try to spend as much time with them as I can. Usually we do on the weekends.
Number 6 rule keep them involved. Encourage them to join any activities program in school. Or outside of school... like sports! Karate! and so forth.
Number 7 rule Show them lots and lots of love! Be affectionate, caring, compassionate, and lovable! They will appreciate you for it. Express to them how much you love them! And let them know how important they are to you. I am goofy sometimes and I always tell my kids life is to be enjoyed so lets get crazy! And usually we'll start dancing in the middle of the living room. My daughter thinks I'm wierd but she loves to laugh at me! *laugh*
Being a parent is a job that will never end. Being a parent means your are to teach them how to be the next generation of leaders.
I am not the most perfect parent! But I know... that what I teach them now... will make a mark on the world later. Start building your soldiers now! The soldiers that will build a better tomorrow.
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@Yankeeintexas - Thank you! I'm still teaching my husband how to do the same. At first he doesn't agree with me, but when he sees the good that come out of it, he gives me a hug and tells me "Good-job." My kids still do the typical kid stuff... like argue with eachother and what not. But my talks with them are very effective. My daughter is an over achiever.... she's in the student council and she brings home a lot of awards. My oldest Son takes on a lot of challenges. I had him in two different tutoring programs, he had track, football, JPO, and lots of homework. I don't force him to take on these challenges. I let him come to me first and I give him my support 100% and make sure he follows through. I don't allow them to ever give up. My youngest son is a Mommies boy *laugh* he's alot more advance then his grade, so he often gets really bored. He's young still and still finding himself. But he's very passionate about Science and Technology. Sorry I know I'm jumping the gun here, but I just wanted to share how the rules I live by with my kids help them in the now. Thank you very much for reading!
Romancer
Michael W. - Thank you Michael. That was such a nice thing to say. I can't say that I disagree with you. I agree with you 100%. Most children are left to teach themselves. You'd be lucky if good came out of that. But it's not always an happy ending. For me... at 8 years old, I was taking care of my family. My Father was abusive and my mother was always sick. So I pretty much became mother and caregiver. Cooking, cleaning, and teaching my siblings was my life. At a young age... I would teach them how to read and write. On school days I would gather all of us and we would sit on the table and do homework together. That's how it was. Sometimes my mother would help, and she did when she wasn't sick or broken. But alot of the times that wasn't the case. In the 4th grade I was cutting out of school to go home to take care of my mother because I could never function. I would walk all the way home to make sure she was ok. All of these experiences help me now as a parent. God has always been there with me. Guess what I'm trying to say is... it's important that parents be of guidance to their children. For me, my struggles in life was my guidance. But when parents leave the kids to guide themselves... there's a 50/50 chance that they will continue down the path of "bad" or use that struggle and turn it into something "good." From what I'm seeing from the world today! I think parents need to start stepping up as parents and teachers. When you instill the good, it will outweigh the bad. That's how I see it.
Thanks for stopping by Michael and leaving such a nice compliment!
Romancer
This is definitely information that most parents need. Maybe if more parents thought this way, we could reverse the 'decline in behavioral health' of future generations.
Michael
I work at a children's home in Lubbock, Texas, and what you have said is so true! Nearly 2 years ago my wife, and myself, adopted a sibling group and rules you have given is what we use. GOOD STUFF!!!
phillip goodson 14 months ago
Romancer, great hub, the spankings we used to get would indeed be illegal now days. I don't know if that's for the best or not, sometimes the fear of having to pick my own switch from the tree kept me out of trouble.